Just now, I received an alert that Humans of New York posted a new photograph. Before I delve into that more, I just want to say how much I adore their work and always have. I’m always moved by the depth and honesty of these people who take a moment out of their day to snap a photo for all of us to see.
A woman, whom looks to be standing in a train station, possibly Grand Central, shares with us a painful realization that I often think about. With newspaper in her hand, she says,
Every time I saw someone having kids—I’d get angry. Don’t they realize how uninhabitable the planet is going to be? Everyone thinks if we just make a few changes, we’ll be fine. We won’t be fine. The problem is systemic and there’s no movement capable of ending capitalism in time to save the planet.
But anyway, I’m trying not to obsess over this stuff anymore.
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, although it’s quite likely I have, but I’ve struggled with reproductive health problems for several years now. This makes pregnancy difficult, as well as carrying a fetus to term. For a long time, I really wanted to have a healthy baby, and there was a real bitterness I felt because it’s so hard. In many ways, I’ve accepted what is what and have moved on from those feelings.
Regardless, the possibility of children, among many other things that the future may or may not bring, scare me. What if there is no purpose to being motivated now, to accomplishing anything now? What if this blog isn’t enough? What if the work I do with my colleagues and students isn’t enough? What if I don’t make enough money to save us? What if I do, but it doesn’t?
In that fear and hopelessness, I often find it difficult to stay motivated.
And yet, I hold on to a tiny pebble of hope, of possibly — that the earth will not go up in flames — that there will be less injustice, less suffering, in the future. A part of me believes in us, and in myself.
Believe in yourself. That’s the first step. Believe in all of us. That’s the second step. That’s all the motivation we need going into 2019.